The bubble.

Yesterday I was feeling pretty down. Work stress, watching a dear friend cope with her mother's grave illness, tension at home that naturally springs from running a business and raising a family together under the same roof... it was all starting to get to me. I was also beginning to hear the voice of doubt and fear whisper in my ear regarding a writing challenge I'm doing this month. (I've pledged to blog five times per week for the next 30 days, with the goal of establishing some writing discipline and further defining my voice and focus.)

I needed encouragement, so I turned to the accountability group on Facebook that issued the challenge. At first I was hesitant to share what I was grappling with, but instead I went ahead and put it out there, and the response was amazingly genuine, warm and friendly. It was exactly what I needed, and I went to bed feeling hopeful.

As I was falling asleep, I pondered how different the atmosphere was in that Facebook group than all the other stuff I'd seen on the Internet that day. For instance, on Pinterest, a magazine I like posted a Pin with a bunch of tips in it, and in the comments stream below there was just a blast of criticism. And on a friend's Facebook, two of her friends got into a fight over immigration issues. Everywhere I looked online, I saw people just shooting out negativity like a fire hose. It's hard not to let that stuff infiltrate your thinking.

I thought about how for work, my market research company creates research camps where we bring together patients or consumers who have something in common, such as suffering from a specific condition or facing a particular personal issue. The ultimate goal of the camp is research on behalf of our clients, but what so often happens in the meantime is that the participants share and bond in ways they have never experienced before. The difference? From the minute they walk in the door, we demand that the energy in the space remain one of encouragement and respect. We maintain this "bubble" of encouragement throughout the weekend, constantly reinforcing that the goal is to create a space where people are comfortable with sharing their highs and lows, without fear of judgement. People leave feeling amazing - it's part of what I love about my job.

(Image credit: sxc.hu user quartarolo)

Demanding a bubble of encouragement from a group has a magical effect. People get into it! Encouragement and respect breed more encouragement and respect; everyone does their part to maintain the bubble. It isn't that expressing negative thoughts and feelings isn't allowed, it's that they are responded to and processed with love and care.  

Wouldn't it be awesome if we could all create our own bubble of encouragement and demand it be respected? Maybe we could deflect and discourage criticism that is just hurtful and not constructive. Maybe we can make the rules and ask that other people follow them in our own lives. Maybe we can avoid people who habitually break the rules of our bubble.

This isn't about empty platitudes or telling people what they want to hear. It's about consciously building up other people and asking them to build us up. It sounds hard, but maybe it's actually simple. In my work, I find that all we have to do is ask. All we have to do is draw the bubble, define the zone, and everyone in the group wants to keep it intact.

How can I do this better in life? I'm going to try to find out.