This morning, I have been disproportionately anxious about a work meeting I have this afternoon.
I keep feeling like I'm not prepared enough... despite the fact that I've done my "homework" and the meeting at hand isn't one you can really "prepare" for anyway.
This anxiety has been eating at me all morning, making it hard for me shift focus to other tasks, those things that I really should and could be working on -- if I had the energy and available brain space.
After spinning my wheels for entirely too long, I finally realized what my problem is: I'm gearing myself up for a performance. Just like I would be if I needed to give a speech, or be on camera. And I'm totally whipping myself up into a frenzy of performance anxiety over this.
Seeking help, I found a great blog post on Psychology Today regarding how to address and reframe performance anxiety: Performance Anxiety: What really causes those nerves, and how to overcome them.
The crux of this post served to remind me of what I already knew: this meeting I'm worried about today? It's SO not about me.
It's not a performance for which I am going to be rated or judged, lauded or booed off stage. There will be no spotlight, no panel of experts, no jury. It's a conversation. An opportunity to get to know some of my clients better. An opportunity to listen, to collaborate, to help. It's not about looking smart or impressing people or saying all the right things. It's about working together toward what I hope is an ultimate win-win-win outcome for us, our client company, and the end users of their product. I may say a few off-target things. I may be confused or even wrong in some respects. But who cares? The entire goal of the interaction - as with most interactions, personal or professional - is to align, to gain clarity. What a relief!
Spending so much of my time worrying how it will go - how I will do - is ultimately nothing but an egotistical exercise. The play's not about me. I'll just be one player, as it should be. The best I can hope for is to do as Alexander Pope suggests, and "Act well my part."
"Act well your part, there all the honour lies." - Alexander Pope
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